The 5 Social Emotional Learning Competencies
Do you know how children learn to understand their feelings? Or how they make friends and solve problems? These are not easy things. Children need to learn them, just like they learn reading or math. This is called Social Emotional Learning, or SEL.
SEL helps children know their feelings. It helps them talk to others and make good choices. It also helps them stay calm when they are angry or sad. SEL is very important at school and at home.
Parents and teachers are both important in SEL. When we teach children these skills, they become stronger and happier. They also do better in school.
In this blog, we will talk about the five competencies of social emotional learning. These are five big skills that every child should learn. Experts like CASEL and Positive Action say these skills help children in many ways. They help with school, friendships, and feelings.
Let’s learn about these five SEL core competencies together.
Table of Contents
What Is Social Emotional Learning?
Let’s keep this simple. Imagine a child feeling sad because a game didn’t go well. Or maybe they’re excited but don’t know how to calm down. Or they get into a fight with a friend and don’t know what to say. These moments are part of growing up. But kids are not born knowing how to handle these things. They need to learn. That’s where social emotional learning, or SEL, comes in.
SEL meaning is easy to understand. It’s all about helping children learn how to understand their own feelings, how to show care for others, and how to make smart, kind choices. It helps them get along with classmates, family, and friends. These are skills that will help them for life, not just in school.
So when someone asks, “What is the meaning of social emotional learning?”, you can say:
It’s teaching the heart and mind, together. It’s learning about feelings, people, and decisions.
Experts like the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) say SEL is a key part of learning. Research shows that children with strong social emotional learning competencies are more confident, do better in school, and feel more connected to others. And that makes a big difference.
SEL is not just a program or a lesson. It’s a way of thinking. A way of being. A way of teaching.
Why Is SEL Important?
Let’s be honest, growing up is not always easy. Sometimes, kids feel big emotions and don’t know what to do. Sometimes they get upset, or they feel left out. And sometimes, they just need someone to help them understand what’s going on inside. That’s why social emotional learning (SEL) matters so much.
SEL in education is not just about schoolwork. It’s about helping children become calm, kind, and confident. When children learn how to manage their emotions, solve problems, and care about others, they feel safer and happier. And when they feel that way, they learn better. That’s a fact.
Researchers say that children with strong SEL core competencies do better in many areas. They are more focused in class. They get along better with other kids. They are less likely to fight, and more likely to help. These are not just soft skills, they are life skills. According to Positive Action and the Massachusetts Department of Education, students with strong social-emotional skills show better behavior, stronger mental health, and even higher test scores.
As a parent or teacher, you’ve probably seen this for yourself. Maybe you’ve seen a child who used to get angry now take a deep breath and ask for help. Or a shy student who now says, “Can I play with you?” That’s SEL at work. These small wins are big steps.
We explained more about the meaning of SEL and how it helps in early childhood in our previous blog post here. If you’re new to SEL, it’s a great place to start.
We teach children to read and count and that’s great. But we also need to teach them how to care, how to pause, and how to think. That’s why SEL in education is just as important as math or science. It helps build whole people, not just good students.
What Are the 5 Core Competencies of SEL?
So, here’s the big question:
‘’What are the five competencies of social emotional learning?’’
These five core skills are the building blocks of SEL. Experts like CASEL, Changing Perspectives, and Better Kids Education say that when children learn these five areas, they grow in ways that truly change their lives. These are not lessons they learn once. These are skills they practice every day in the classroom, on the playground, and even at the dinner table.
Let’s look at each one together.
1. Self-Awareness
This is where it all begins. Self-awareness means helping children understand their own thoughts and feelings.
You might hear a child say, “I feel nervous right now,” or “I’m proud of myself.” That’s self-awareness in action.
When kids can name their feelings, they can also start to manage them. Without this skill, they may act out or shut down, simply because they don’t know what’s going on inside.
Teaching self-awareness can be as simple as asking, “How do you feel today?” and really listening. That small question can help build strong social-emotional learning competencies over time.
This skill also includes helping children see what they’re good at, and what they want to get better at. It builds confidence and self-respect, two things every child deserves to feel.
2. Self-Management
Now that a child knows what they’re feeling, what do they do with that feeling? That’s where self-management comes in.
This skill helps kids handle big emotions without hurting themselves or others. It teaches them to wait, to pause, to breathe, and to keep going, even when something is hard.
A child with strong self-management might say, “I’m angry, but I’ll take a break,” or “I’ll try again, even if I didn’t do it right the first time.”
According to research from Better Kids Education, children who practice self-management do better in class and feel less stress. They learn how to calm down, set goals, and stay focused.
As parents and teachers, we can help by modeling calm behavior and giving kids tools to stay regulated, like breathing, moving, or using kind words.
3. Social Awareness
This one is all about looking around and seeing others. Social awareness means understanding how other people feel, even if their feelings are different from your own.
It’s about empathy, the beautiful skill of standing in someone else’s shoes.
A child who is socially aware might notice that a classmate is sad and offer to help. Or they might listen when someone has a different opinion and say, “I see what you mean.”
Social awareness helps children feel connected and included. It also teaches respect for different backgrounds, cultures, and experiences, something we all need in today’s world.
SEL in education is a great way to teach this. Books, group projects, and open conversations help children practice kindness and curiosity.
4. Relationship Skills
Next up is one of the most important parts of growing up: building relationships. Relationship skills are about making friends, working in teams, and solving problems together.
Children with this skill can talk and listen well. They can share ideas, take turns, and fix small fights without yelling or walking away.
When kids build strong relationships, they feel supported. They also learn how to support others a key part of emotional growth.
According to the Massachusetts Department of Education, teaching relationship skills helps reduce bullying, increase connection in the classroom, and even improve academic success. Yes, strong friendships help learning!
You can help a child build this skill by teaching them simple phrases like “Can I help you?” or “I didn’t like that can we talk?”
5. Responsible Decision-Making
The last of the SEL core competencies is all about choices. Responsible decision-making means thinking before acting and choosing what is safe, fair, and kind.
This doesn’t mean children always make perfect choices. But it does mean they start thinking about why they do something. They ask, “Is this the right thing to do?” and “How will this affect others?”
This skill grows when we let kids solve small problems by themselves, reflect on mistakes, and celebrate smart decisions.
According to Positive Action, this competency helps children in both school and life. It teaches honesty, fairness, and personal responsibility, values that shape who they become.
How Can Parents and Teachers Teach SEL?
Now that we know the five competencies of social emotional learning, you might be thinking, “Okay… but how do I actually teach this?”
Great question. And the good news is, you’re probably already doing it without even realizing it.
You don’t need a fancy program. You don’t need a big plan. You just need real moments, and a little bit of heart. Whether you’re a parent at home or a teacher in the classroom, you can help children grow their SEL core competencies one simple moment at a time.
Let’s talk about how.
Start with Feelings
Talking about feelings is a great place to begin. It sounds small, but when we say things like “You look sad today, do you want to talk about it?” or “You seem really proud that’s wonderful,” we help children grow their self-awareness.
Even asking, “How are you feeling right now?” teaches kids to pause and check in with themselves. This supports the social emotional learning definition, understanding your emotions and being okay with them.
Model What You Want Them to Learn
Children watch us. They copy us. If we stay calm when something goes wrong, they learn how to stay calm too. If we say, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay,” they learn that it’s okay to mess up.
If you’re a teacher, showing how you solve problems with your words or how you apologize when needed teaches relationship skills and responsible decision-making in a powerful way.
Kids learn more from what we do than from what we say.
Use Everyday Moments
You don’t need a lesson plan to teach SEL in education or at home. Use real moments:
- When a child is angry, help them take a breath and name the feeling.
- When someone gets left out, talk about kindness and empathy.
- When they face a hard choice, ask, “What do you think is the right thing to do?”
These moments are quick but meaningful. This is where SEL competencies grow not just in lessons, but in life.
Create a Safe Space
Children need to feel safe to express emotions. If they are afraid to be wrong or to cry or to speak up, they shut down.
As parents and teachers, we can build a space where kids feel heard and respected. That’s how self-management and social awareness develop in a warm, safe environment where feelings are not “too much” and mistakes are part of learning.
Praise the Process
Instead of just saying “Good job,” try saying things like:
- “I’m proud of you for being honest, even when it was hard.”
- “That was kind. You really helped your friend.”
- “You stayed calm even when you were upset. That’s not easy!”
This helps kids see that social emotional learning is not just about doing things “right.” It’s about trying, growing, and showing up again tomorrow.
Use Books and Stories
Stories are powerful. A book where a character feels left out, or learns to be brave, is a gentle and meaningful way to talk about SEL meaning with children.
After reading together, you can ask questions like:
- “How do you think the character felt?”
- “What would you have done in that moment?”
- “Was that a kind choice?”
These simple conversations help children grow skills like empathy, responsible decision-making, and self-awareness, without turning it into a “lesson.” It just feels like sharing a good story.
One beautiful example is from Magic Pags, the book Little Dragon 2: Trap of The Sly Fox, written by Banu Yüce.
In this story, the brave little dragon Tyan faces a clever fox who tries to trick the townspeople with fake promises. But Tyan stays calm, uses smart thinking, and shows the power of honesty and courage. It’s a story full of adventure but also full of heart.
Kids don’t just follow Tyan on a fun journey, they learn how to face tricky problems with confidence. They see that even when someone tries to fool you, there’s always a way to stand up for what’s right.
If you’re looking for books that support social emotional learning competencies, this is a great one to explore together.
SEL in School and Home
Here’s something important to remember: Social emotional learning doesn’t only happen in classrooms. It happens everywhere — during breakfast, on the walk to school, while solving a fight over toys, or when a teacher helps a student who feels left out.
SEL is part of real life.
Both parents and teachers are guides on this journey. When we support children with love, patience, and clear guidance, we help them grow stronger in every part of their lives.
SEL in School
A classroom is a perfect place to build SEL core competencies. Not just in big lessons, but in small daily moments.
Teachers help students:
- Understand their feelings (self-awareness)
- Stay calm during hard tasks (self-management)
- Work with different classmates (social awareness)
- Solve group problems (relationship skills)
- Think about the right thing to do (responsible decision-making)
Even something simple like choosing who gets the ball during recess can turn into a moment for SEL.
When teachers say, “Let’s talk about it” instead of “Stop fighting,” students learn peaceful problem-solving. When they say, “I see you’re upset. Want to take a break?” they teach emotional control and respect.
Many schools now add SEL activities into the day. Circle time, partner projects, kindness walls, and reflection journals are all great tools to support social emotional learning competencies in a classroom setting.
SEL at Home
And at home? It’s just as powerful.
Parents don’t need to be experts. You don’t need a special program or big plan. What children need most is your presence, your words, and your example.
Every time you help your child talk about their feelings — you’re teaching SEL meaning.
Every time you help them fix a fight with a sibling — you’re teaching relationship skills.
When you stay calm during a hard moment — you’re showing self-management in action.
You can also bring SEL into bedtime talks, family meals, or daily routines. Asking questions like:
- “What made you happy today?”
- “Did anything bother you?”
- “How did you solve that problem?”
These kinds of questions help your child reflect. And reflection builds understanding.
Interactive books, like Little Dragon on Magic Pags, also give families a fun way to explore big ideas like honesty, kindness, and standing up for what’s right, all while enjoying time together.
SEL at home is not about perfection. It’s about connection. Just showing up again and again matters most.
Final Thoughts and What You Can Do
Understanding the five competencies of social emotional learning helps us raise children who are kind, strong, and thoughtful. When we teach kids how to name their feelings, manage their actions, care about others, and make good choices, we’re giving them something they’ll carry for life.
Why is social emotional learning important? Because when children understand themselves and others, they grow into adults who solve problems, show empathy, and build real, lasting relationships.
And the best part? You don’t have to do it alone.
For parents and teachers who want a simple and fun way to support SEL in education and at home, Magic Pags is here to help. Magic Pags offers interactive books that make social emotional learning come alive through storytelling. These books are written with care, designed to help children explore emotions in a safe and fun way while building vocabulary, empathy, and critical thinking.
So why wait?
Access a growing library of SEL-friendly books, and even track children’s progress with Magic Pags. Let’s raise strong hearts and thoughtful minds.
